There has been a big emphasis recently on “paying it forward”.
I love the underlying message and continually try to acknowledge others by
doing good deeds. As I agonize over parenting
an offspring through the teen years…sigh…I was venting (begging for
suggestions) to a friend “ALL I DO IS COMPLAIN”..I feel like I am constantly giving
directional cues to my kids..”Do this, Do that”. And, when I get a long-winded story about a
friend crisis (at middle school)..I am known to say “speed it up!..you are
dragging this out”.
My dear friend made a good point, make your connections
(verbally)…90% positive and 10% “other”. This struck a nerve, I had it all
backwards. I thought my constant bitching was constructive (not!). He reminded
me these are precious years and we WANT our kids to talk to us – we don’t need
to complain about everything – pick YOUR battles. Wow. Simple. Yet, it spoke to
me at the right time. The light bulb went on!
I have made a conscious effort to turn this around. At any
given moment I might close the open kitchen window to make sure my neighbor doesn’t
hear me rage about the melted ice cream found under the bed..UGH! Full
Disclosure, I am not perfect
First, I took principals that I put place in my own life and
incorporated them into parenting and social interactions. Several years ago,
during a transformation in my own life, I was reading the benefits of Positive
Thinking, Vision Boards, Law of Attraction, etc. All about positive energy – I am
a big believer. If you don’t know what
this is all about..you should!
You can find more here:
First, I had each family member create a daily mantra, affirmation…Such
as “God is first, I am a patient mother, knowledgeable student and devoted
friend. I will take on the world today, and make myself a priority”
It may sound cheesy, but sometimes you need the internal
push (self-compliment) and reassurance that you can make it another day!
Then, I went back to my positive thinking roots and realized
that it all goes back to one thing – Words, the simple, the spoken. And, I used a sprinkle of The Love and Logic
parenting concept, using “empathy” first with your children (more on this
later). In your everyday conversations
add empathy (validation) and compliments and watch your world turn around. The
best thing, it’s free – yep, no cost for your kind words.
So, instead of getting caught up in the physical or monetary
rewards to a stranger or even the ones you love, consider starting with the
genuine, creative gift that we all possess. The Power to make someone feel on
top of this world!
Here are a couple of examples from my life:
Trent comes home upset, ANOTHER middle school drama. After
about 15 minutes of listening patiently, the bottom line was..”John was holding
Sally’s hand on the way to the bus…and, I like Sally”. Gulp! My initial reaction
would be…”toughen up, don’t worry about it – dude, you’re in middle school –
you shouldn’t even worry about girls”. But, I slammed on the brakes. It
obviously was huge to him. Instead, I replied. ..(Empathy) “I bet that really
hurt your feelings, that has happened to me before too – I know how it feels.” “You
are smart, funny and great looking there will be another young lady who comes
along”. It is simple and small, but we connected and it was part of the 90% of positive
conversation, not the 10% of negative.
I love the often repeated Starbucks story of purchasing a
drink for the person behind you. I think it’s great, kind of the mysterious generosity
– like Larry Stewart who never reviled his identity but would
hand strangers 100 dollar bills. How awesome.
I like Wendy’s coffee..and make a habit of getting a cup before class. Every morning there is an older
lady – probably mid 70’s who takes my order and hands me my coffee. She is
wrinkled, worn, making minimum wage, and still had a bright and welcoming
smile. One morning, before speeding off..I stopped; I looked her in the eye and
told her how much I look forward to seeing her warm smile every morning. It was
obvious; I was the first person who said this all day. I found the reward just
as great, as if I had purchased a 5 dollar coffee for the car behind me.
One of the most profound use and misuse of words that I
remember is the day, I got engaged. I met my husband (now ex) when I was 18,
head over heels in love. Three years later, we picked out the perfect ring and
stuck it in layaway. I knew that one day, we would pay it off and he would
propose. However, he surprised me and got it out early. It was Valentine’s Day,
1998 – perfect. Of course, like any newly engaged girl– I bounced relative to relative,
friend to friend – gleaming, holding up my sparkling left hand! I will never
forget the words, “is it real?”, “why are you doing this?”…the joy was not
mutual. The power of these words still sting today- It reminds me of the old
saying, “I may forget what you said, but I will never forget how you made me
feel.”
It was a painful lesson in the power of words. I vowed to
forever support any arrangement of love, always. You may be short, tall,
African American, fat, skinny, Chinese, poor or rich, I will not judge you. If
you are man or woman, and you have found love or companionship – I will fill
you up with words of joy and encouragement.
This has spilled over into all avenues of support. When I
see accomplishment, such a new relationship, job promotion or weight loss – I am
truly happy. I will pronounce my words of joy and support. I will not mumble
envy or jealousy.
We all strive to be better and we have all made mistakes, so
turn your words in a new direction. I hope that this message on the power of
words touches your world and that your 90% is full of greatness! I leave you
with this (compliment)…thanks for reading my little ol blog! Oh, and by the way, your hair
looks great today! (wink!)
Xo
Stacey
