Don't Sweat the Big Stuff

Don’t sweat the BIG stuff. Unfortunately, I have had no other choice. The last several years has tested my strength and modified my character. You name it, it has probably happened in my world. At times, I drift through life on cruise control, when bam! I am awake to reality. Today, reality hit again and it resulted in tears – big ones and boogers. I have a lot going on, particularly with my little guy. There are days when you can’t be strong anymore, I am human. Without raining on my own parade, I realize that we all come with a story. We all have had trials and tribulations, some with a bigger impact than others. With each of these hurdles, the lasting effect is based on only one factor – perspective. How I may perceive a life changing event , may be different than you. Not wrong, just different. I have a friend (yes, she is still a friend), who questioned my parenting of a special needs child, stating she “could never “keep” a child with a special need”. First of all, she will be a fabulous parent one day and she probably filed this comment in the “foot in mouth” section. She, clearly, didn’t consider my perspective nor the entire picture of acceptance and mothering of offspring. She also didn’t realize how this SMALL remark, impacted my day.

When I think of my hurdles,I think of the SMALL stuff. It's the day to day, the ebb and flow of life. For example, my journey has included work for the Salvation Army. I volunteer for them several times a year, my favorite job –participating in home bound outreach. I am never surprised when I see the hundreds of volunteers every year, because giving back to the community is so rewarding- yet SMALL. However, you can’t help but notice a common thread – most of the volunteers have also been dealt their share of struggles. I am going to be politically incorrect, in saying, there isn’t a lot of Rich White Guys in line to work at the soup kitchen. However, there are plenty of families giving back, many of us who are repaying community organizations that helped us when we were down on our luck.

Personally, I do not write BIG checks for donations - I volunteer my SMALL time to the causes that show the greatest impact on the community. I worked for a non-profit for many years that charged $200 a seat to its annual dinner, a turn off. I never attended. I don’t need to be seen by Kansas City’s Elite , rather, the reward of SMALL gratitude is far greater.

I have always considered myself generous. After Chase was born, my DNA changed, my world completely changed along with my character and conscious. I am even more generous today, than ever before. Because I know the impact of kindness, firsthand. The first and most important way to give back is in my own home. Every Christmas, I create 50 index cards for Trent to use the following year. They say things like.. “Popcorn in Mom’s Bed”,“Stay up until 10pm on a school night” OR “Free Chore Night”. I think of all the things he asks for(and usually doesn't get), most are free, some are cheap. It keeps me on cue as a fun/creative parent and provides him the authority to use a card whenever he wants. He looks forward to this tradition every holiday and I look forward to seeing the look on his face at a impromptu “Popcorn in Mom’s Bed” night!

Another one of my favorite ways to put a smile on my kids faces is to display their artwork in a surprise spot, our kitchen cabinets! I have been doing this for years, it keeps artwork in good condition and off the refrigerator! When you reach for a glass, it is always a treat to see what artwork is displayed today!

Whatever your method of enhancing joy, I encourage you to put a SMALL smile on someones face. Please don’t do it because you feel obligated or its part of your latest resolution. Do it because its genuine. Make it part of your character. Character is what you give off, it is your whole picture, not just what you do when someone is watching!

xo Stacey

Sexy Mother Pucker

I was at a social event recently. I put on something other than sweats, spruced up a bit (aka wore eyeliner) and had the kids at (different) sitters. Needless to say, it was an event to just arrive. I felt good as I sipped on my wine enjoying my conversation when a lady approached me (in front of the group) “wow..um..I have never seen your hair that dark”. I replied with a chuckle, “yep, its natural, it’s what God gave me – and plus, being a brunette, I now look like a member of my family”. This person replied, “welllll..its different..do you like it?” The sarcasm was clear in her voice that she didn’t care for my new “do”. And the truth was, her opinion didn't matter - but, I was a bit embarrassed and hurt. I replied, “well, to tell you the truth…It's OK..Actually, I rarely have time to look in the mirror anymore AND cost is a factor these days.” Women are caddy. I felt confident in my response, and it’s a fact, I too like my hair blonde. But, in my world, it is highlights vs. diapers. It is all about the ol'budget. My point is simple, this small interaction reminded me of a couple things…This lady has NO clue and most importantly I have made tremendous sacrifice to be the best mom I can be.

            The good news is..My world with Chase has gotten more routine; I have the juggling act of school and work down to a science. So this year, I made a commitment to give more time to me. I am often the last person in the equation and drop-dead-tired at the end of the day. Today, I am still in my PJ’s at 2pm. But, laundry is caught up; we watched a movie and the kids made a Valentine Garland. I drank a pot of coffee, gave lots of kisses and had a chance to browse Facebook. However, I didn’t even have a chance to glance in the mirror. And, that is OK!

            I am going to start Couch to 5k next month, an ongoing goal. Also, make an attempt to add a bit of make up before I dash out the door. I found a couple great products in the last few months – Lorac Makeup – great, flawless coverage AND Sexy Mother Pucker – the perfect, longest lasting gloss I have ever found. Both products can be found at Sephora.

Underneath these sweats, I love original Jergans and Lavender Body oil (Trader Joes) along with my favorite old school perfume –Design. These are the things that make me feel like a lady and slightly pulled together. I have never been a girl that likes hair, including ironing it, extension-ing it, or adding tons of spray or wigs. I just want to be me. I want to be able to get ready quickly, with a toddler on my leg and I want to feel great! So, to the chic who thought I needed highlights, I appreciate the feedback, and will consider making that change. And, to the moms who are over-doing it everyday - consider embracing your natural side- your kids won’t remember your hair or wrinkles - but rather if you were present! In the meantime, I am still not hanging out in front of the mirror; I am busy creating memories with my boys - my biggest project and reflection of me.

My most beautiful feature is being a mother. I am always trying to be better; I keep this on my fridge for extra motivation!

 

Signed,

Brunette-for-Now

Your Trash! My Treasure!

Its been stated before, that I am obsessed with treasure shopping. On a deeper level, being a student, tight income - thrift shopping has allowed me to provide nice things for my boys, add decor to my house and I enjoy it, so it provides peace and solace. I thought I would share a few more of my recent finds...and maybe a little arm twisting/convincing to get some of my pals to start browsing!

I guess it is like anything, a unknown world to some. Just like skydiving, knitting, gambling or Geocaching - its a hobby - and I would like to recruit more followers! :)

Misconceptions:
1. The clothes are dirty, have bugs or smell.
**Most stores launder their items before selling. Personally, I have never purchased or encountered an item with a smell, or found a bug! I wash all items prior to putting in my closet. But, I do this with any outside purchase - new or old.

2. You must spend hours, "digging" through bins or shuffling through racks.
** Farthest from the truth! Actually, most stores are very large and organized by size. Just like a Department Store, I only shop in the sections that apply to my family. I move quickly and remove hangers before checking out - speeds up the check out process! Also, I am proud to be the annoying customer, who watches every transaction  - confirming I am getting all discounts applicable.

3. You don't really save any money!
**I save a ton! Actually, I love name brands! I am most drawn to items with the tags still on them (returns) AND  high quality brands! Sometimes, I will buy a less expensive brand, if the condition is great and the price is right (usually 5/$1 days!).

4. Items are outdated!
**If you think this, you are sure missing out! Many stores donate returns, some donate overstock (toiletries, small imperfections), some stores go out of business and donate what is left. Nebraska Furniture Mart donates returned items or slightly damaged furniture!
  Another example, I recently purchased a Black pair of Danskos, brand new. Probably returned, perfect condition. $3.99.    $140.00 NEW - score!

Here is the Proof! A couple of my most recent finds:
Sak purse black, pink/lime green lining - Brand New! - $1.99

 Vera Bradley Large make up bag with eyeglass case, pink print - Brand New! - $2.99

Last week, I was browsing Trent's section and found this adorable black jacket with silver hardware! It caught my attention, because it was my size, super cute and still had the original tag noting the brand/website. The original retail price was removed, but the price was right for me
($4.99 1/2 off = $2.50!) Will be great with black leggings and boots!

Fast forward to today, I finally had a minute to do the best part of thrifting - finding the original RETAIL price. Often, I will do this from my cell phone right in the store. But today, I took the time to look up the Lynn Ritchie website and find my new jacket! I had to sit down - this one was great! Purchased from the website, this jacket is $188!! Would probably be more $$$ in a local boutique! Score!

http://lynnritchie.gostorego.com/jackets/zip-jacket.html

My Best Tip!
Think outside of the box! Think of different purposes for items or ways to modify. For example, I found a pair of pants for me, .25c, but one hem was out - the pants were in perfect condition - easy repair.

I love feather pillows, and they are expensive! If I find a great throw pillow but don't like the pattern,  I simply remove the pillow and throw away the cover. 

I found a fabric that I liked, it was divided into several scraps. I took it to a seamstress with my above mentioned feather pillow and he made fabulous pillow covers with zippers and cording!

I was searching for a duvet cover, couldn't find one I liked. Found new curtains - .99c each. Had my seamstress turn them into a duvet cover, added black velvet for trim and cording and a plain sheet for the backing - ta da! Love it!

Look at this great lamp! It was $2, old brass - nothing fancy. Primed it, flat black spray paint, a shade I already had. New lamp..perfect!

Here is to rePurposing finds, Going in with a plan and most importantly, living less expensively!

Cheers!
-stacey

Collateral

Trent got an Ipod for Christmas! It was awesome, nothing is better than seeing your child open something that they have been wishing for (picture below). Besides the fact that I only see the top of his head, as he is texting every time is gets a chance! I have found the silver lining. Our kids should get acquainted with electronics, knowing the lingo, movements and keystokes that most of these devices have in common. For example, he went from pecking with one finger, to having great typing speed. There are perks. But, there have also been struggles. I handed Trent a letter, with electronic rules a couple days after they "warmed up" to each other. It was a great idea, it sets the limits on paper - no confusion or arguing on what is expected. Today, it is in my possession. It will be earned back. For those Love and Logic families - electronics are the BEST collateral! The hardest lesson so far, sure sucks when Facebook timestamps your post (after bedtime)- BUSTED!

We adopted this idea from another family, but have tweeked it to our own expectations. Enjoy!

Dear Trent-

Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPod AND a cell phone. Hot Damn! You are a good and responsible 12-year-old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well-rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your ownership of these ITEMS!

I love you madly and look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

1. These are mine. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

2. I will always know the password.

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad." Not ever.

4. Hand the phone/Ipod  to one of your parents promptly at 9:00 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 11:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, and stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPod OR cell phone to change that.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

14. Leave your it home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone/Ipod . We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to these electronics, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new Ipod!

xoxoxo,
Mom

 

Botox - take 2!

I feel compelled to write a follow up to my previous post. First, I think pedicures and Botox are great. Actually, I think that plastic surgery or any self-enhancing treatment is awesome if it makes you feel fabulous! My original blog was meant to point out the pressure that mothers today feel. Not asking for any sympathy, but I am doing the work of 2 over here! So, a little extra credit is due for a mother doing it alone.

A lot of pressure is put on a woman to “have it all together”.  The media, most recently, super ridiculous “reality shows” give a false impression on what mother hood should look like. My ex, played football – um, I’m not driving a Hummer nor can I afford hair extensions.  I never looked like any of the Kardashians when I was pregnant…I favored Mrs. Boo Boo (Honeys mother).(The proof is below) I didn’t pop out a baby in a bathtub in one push nor did I wear my skinny jeans home from the hospital. My labor with Chase was hell, if I could find a stronger word, I would! I have never seen a size 3…well, maybe in 4^th grade. If I find a good bra and squeeze into Old Navy, size 12, I have considered my body – "back to normal"! 

Everyone does it differently – some will look like Barbie, but have a horrible marriage. Some will "Scrapbook" for 10 hours a week and have a house that looks like a tornado hit it! Some will have a great career, sport Ann Taylor every day and have to put their child in daycare.  Let me stress, none of it is wrong. But, I just found what worked for me. Most importantly, what made me happy.  I have many friends, and those who I don’t know, that may read this. I don’t doubt, judge or challenge your parenting. I’m just saying we are all in the same boat. We all look for the balance. Most of us are mid-life and the mirror is starting to remind us! Actually,  I heard recently (not sure how true this is) – But Mrs. Boo Boo and Kim Kardashian are the same age. Now, if you are familiar with these two ladies, I have a feeling you just read this sentence twice. If you don’t, google it..you will be enlightened. This comparison stuck in my mind, first as a physical challenge, second as a personal development one. We are all given the same 24hours in a day – we choose how to spend it.

No matter where you are in your journey in parenthood, singleness or other. Find what makes you tick. For me, it is being at home with my kids. It is staying in my PJ’s until noon on Saturdays. Tonight, it was a picnic and movie on the living room floor. My boys appreciate special events, because we aren’t on the go all the time! I value friendships of like-thinkers, and have left negativity in the past. Move forward in 2013, spend more time on what matters, less on what does not.

Today, writing this mattered for me…and there you have it!

~Stacey

Botox and Pedicures

Its naptime. I am doing what I do best, sipping an ice tea, scouting Valentine's Day ideas on Pinterest and posting! I multi-task ALL.THE.TIME. I think the only time I do one thing, would be sleeping - but even then, I am dreaming of what I have to accomplish the next day.

A couple of years ago, I had a revelation - I can't do it all. It was painful, but I was forced to make changes. First, It started with going back to school - I left my job, moved to a smaller home and decided to pursue my dream. The pace was nice. Then, I had Chase - life really came to a halt. Priorities were re-evaluated. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.  When searching for answers, a wise woman told me, "The woman who looks like she has it all together, is letting something go". That's all I needed to hear, I knew that I could no longer keep up with the Jones's (particularly, Mrs. Jones) :)

Fast forward...today....I have it all figured out - really, I do! At least,  I have figured out my own world, the details obviously would vary for each person. But, for me - my priorities are established and they get all of my attention. Faith, Myself, Children, Work/School, House, Social Life

Recently, I met a pregnant first time mom - she asked for my advice, she was nervous about life changes, new baby, etc.. I told her, it is simple...It's all about Routine! In this house, my kids know what to expect - everyday. Our home is consistent, evenings and bed time are the same every night - 8pm. Not only is this important for the kids, but I also climb into bed. Its my time to read, do homework, etc. Decompress! It is MY time! I do not use this time to do household chores!

Every mom struggles with juggling it all! I know ladies who "go out" every weekend or are in the gym every night - I know that there is a void in another part of her world. Trust me - her ducks are not in a row!

FAITH
We go to church when we can, it is still hard with Chase. I find spirtual insight by reading motivational books, short articles or passages from the bible with Trent. My favorite book of all time is "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach - it is joyous! Every Woman should take the time to be enlightened by Sarah's words.

http://www.simpleabundance.com/

MOM
If mom isn't happy - no one is happy! So True! I get my sleep, it is a priority. I rest when I get tired and I go to bed early. My education is very important to me, I study often - but it never conflicts with family time. I prefer to study at school - when my kids are at school. I know what makes me happy - Coffee and Thrift Stores and I enjoy both of these pleasures - ALONE and OFTEN!

WORK
I am blessed and I know it. I am lucky that my job offers flexibility and the ability to do most work at home (while Chase is napping). But, I also say "no" to my employer. I recently had to cancel a excellent training opportunity (out of town), the logistics were too tough with my boys. When I thought about the "right words" to tell my employer, I was reminded that I didn't have to give an explanation. My family comes first. Period.

AT HOME
1. I keep a very clean house (no shoes allowed), I never go to bed with a dirty home. I do a little bit every day, so it doesn't become overwhelming! I purge often - very often! I constantly clean out - I donate to the Goodwill once a week!
2. We have ALOT of laundry - I do it constantly, it never piles up.
3. I fold laundry when Chase is playing in the bathtub - remember, Multi-tasking!
4. My 12 year old, is expected to do 3 chores a day. These are "adult chores" - he does the dishes, walks the dog and changes all of the bed sheets. He also knows how to do laundry and cook! I NEVER pay for chores, this are contributions to our household!

CHILDREN
 My kids know what to expect from me, I also know what to expect from them. Trent has a list of 5 things that I expect from him daily. Such as..keeping a clean room, finishing homework, taking care of the dog, etc. If one of these are not done, he does not get to use MY electronics - remember, I own everything :)

We model many of the ideas from Love and Logic. Trust me, I am not perfect. But, the principals from this teaching is consequences. For example, if your job is to take the dog out - and you don't. The dog will make a mess for you to clean when you get home. Mom does not take the dog out for you. Same goes in life - I speed, I get a ticket! I have attached the link for Love and Logic - highly suggest taking the course - often given at churches!

http://www.loveandlogic.com/what-is-for-parents.html


Basic Rules:
The Rules of Love and LogicBy Jim Fay

---

RULE #1
Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture, or threats.
RULE #2
When a child causes a problem the adult hands it back in loving ways

1. In a loving way, the adult holds the child accountable for solving his/her problems in a way that does not make a problem for others.
2. Children are offered choices with limits.
3. Adults use enforceable statements.
4. Adults provide delayed/extended consequences.
5. The adult's empathy is "locked in" before consequences are delivered.

SOCIAL LIFE/ ETC.
Whats that? Well, my adult time is slim these days. But, I am reminded of the words of Dr. Laura (love her) - "you can date when your kids leave the nest". So..until then- It's a party of 3!

1. I do not take my kids to a daycare at the gym, I would rather walk at the park- with them!
2. Our Doctors appts  are always the First appt of the day - and, I am always early. Chase is in a great mood, the doctor is fresh and usually we are out quickly.
3. I use snail mail and email! For example, my doctor needed to fill out a form for Chase. Instead of taking him out, wasting gas - just mail it. Takes longer, but who cares!
4. I pay most of my bills over the phone, easy and fast
5. I always shop with a list, and at the same store (I know the layout)- trips are fast and easy. It is also a great budgeting tool.
6. I only plan social time with my friends once or twice a month, unless I bring my kids with me.
7. Dating is limited. I have chosen not to bring another person into our world. I have occasionally met for coffee or lunch, but no major relationship commitments until the kids are older.

I know families have kids in sports, etc..and life is busy. Just SAY NO to activities! We don't do it! Trent gets one activity at a time and we keep it very simple. No tournaments or extras - a money trap! Your 4 year old is not going to remember soccer - trust me! Your 2 year old doesn't care about the circus, I found out the hard way.

So, in a couple weeks Chase will start preschool. I am excited! This will free up some more "me time". I am going to increase my exercise and volunteer at his school. But, at 3:30, when we all get home - the focus is back on my family. I know I run a tight ship! But, it works for us. I only have these 2 little men in my life for short time, and I want to make the best of it. I want my kids to remember me being home and happy!

It is all about priorities - you can't do it all - you can't have the perfect marriage, be a great mother, go to the gym every day, have a spotless house, climb the corporate ladder, cook like Martha Stewert, read novels and squeeze in botox and pedicures! It is not GOING to happen!

So this year, I am going to continue to try to juggle it all, slow down even more and do a lot more tickling!

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
--T.S. Eliot

As you may know by now, I love quotes and great writings!
One of my favorites is by Erma Bombeck - its sums it up! Enjoy!


If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

xo Stacey

4 Quarters

Some things you can't purchase at the thrift store, my first approach. Secondly, I try the Dollar Store (where everything is  $1), and Third - if all else fails, I shop Big Lots or Wal-mart (pure torture).

I make a trip a couple times a month, standard on my list are the following:
Dryer Sheets
Liquid Fabric Softener (refills), I pour them into my own jug
Paper Plates
Candy - we never buy candy at the theatre!
Holiday Decor
Soup
Gift Wrap
Gum
Dollar Store version "Pedialyte" - we always have several bottles on hand!

Lately, I have scored a couple of great finds:
A "clip-on" book light  - perfect for Chase's Crib, so he can't do a bit of reading before bedtime
Books, Bibles, Coloring Books
French Toast Sticks - name brand!
Sour Cream-name brand!
Stocking Stuffers
Helium Balloons

Not Suggested:
Candles, I like candles that have great scents - these don't
Dish Towels
Paper towels
Toilet Paper
Anything electronic
Laundry Detergent - but, I make my own - link below! This has saved me lots of $$$$, and its great!
http://www.lizmarieblog.com/2012/05/diy-laundry-soap/

I save 50-75% (compared to WallyWorld) - worth the extra trip!


Here is a great blog on Dollar Store Finds!
http://www.holy-craft.com/2012/03/what-not-to-buy-at-dollar-store-part.html

This one is great - 100 ideas for toys from the Dollar Store!
http://www.growingajeweledrose.com/2012/05/100-things-you-can-purchase-from-dollar.html

~Stacey

My trip to Holland

About 2 1/2 years ago, I found myself in Holland, well kinda. This post is for all the families out there who may have had a detour in the journey of life. As Trent said, "It was like, I didn't get what I asked for!" My dear Chase has changed our world completely, I know that I was chosen to be his mother. And, I know that he came into my life at the perfect time, for the right reasons. Life has a new purpose, a new pace and a much greater appreciation. Even though it hasn't always been rainbows and butterflies, I wouldn't change one thing!

For those of you who can relate, I hope this little note will brighten your day.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

xo Stacey

 

How to get a Dream Vacation!

One of my favorite things to give a newly married couple, is a invitation to a "Free Vacation". Well, its not really free - but it is a cleaver way to pay for that dream vacation.

"Solo with Stacey", yep, I'm Solo. Actually, after two unsuccessful marriages, I'm content and truly enjoy my two boys. Over the years, I have found a new appreciation for relationships, and the value of a intimacy. Until then...I will just wait (with a pocket full of ones) until Mr. Fabulous enters my world.

But, if you are married - get a jump start on your collection! Value the connection with your spouse and start saving that change! Great marriages are hard, but fantastic! I still have fond memories of marriage, it was the best time of my life! I can't wait to hear about your trip! Send me a postcard!

xo Stacey

*Read Below*

Dear Ann Landers,


When my parents married, they had only enough money for a three-day trip 50 miles from home. They made a pact that each time they made love, they would put a dollar in a special metal box, and save it for a honeymoon in Hawaii.

Dad was a policeman, and Mom was a schoolteacher. They lived in a modest house and did all their own repairs. Raising five children was a challenge, and sometimes, money was short, but no matter what emergency came up, Dad would not let Mom take any money out of the "Hawaii account." As the account grew, they put it in a savings account, and then, bought CDs.

I can remember Dad coming home and telling Mom, "I have a dollar in my pocket," and she would smile at him and reply, "I know how to spend it."

When each of us children married, Mom and Dad gave us a small box and told us their secret, which we found enchanting. All five of us are now saving for our dream honeymoons. Mom and Dad never told us how much money they had managed to save, but it must have been considerable, because when they cashed in those CDs, they had enough for airfare to Hawaii, plus, hotel accommodations for 10 days, and plenty of spending money.

As they told us goodbye before leaving, Dad winked and said, "Tonight, we are starting an account for Cancun. That should only take 25 years."

-- A Loving Daughter in Abilene, Texas

$15

Over the Holidays, I typically take Trent to the Dollar Store or my mom will help him pick out a gift for me. This year, things were a bit hectic, he decided to just give me cash. It was appreciated, because he took it of his own stash. I received $15. I don't have much "spending cash", all of my income is already spoken for - so extras for mom are few.

As most know, I love, LOVE thrift shopping. I went to my first thrift store in middle school...became obsessed by age 30. It has progressively got worse. Its not as tedious as one would think. Actually, it is my preferred way to shop - for 90% of what enters my home. If I have a day without the kids - you will find me in a thrift store with a triple shot mocha, enjoying every minute of it!

My philosophy..YOU can buy it for full price, I will wait until you donate it and pay $2! Over the last year, I have bought less than 5 items (for myself) at a Department Store - its rare, and its usually underwear!

It's important to note, I don't hoard or "over buy", I often donate a sack before I walk in the door (another way to get a coupon). Maybe on another post, I will give my tips for living clutter free!

So, I had my $15 in hand. This is like $200 at the mall! I spent under $10, I still have some cash left to spend at "FiveBucks" (Starbucks!).

My Top 3 Tips!
1. Shop in "less than" preferred neighborhoods, prices are based on the hood where the store is located. I rarely (unless I have a coupon) shop in Lee's Summit or Overland Park.
2. Check the colored tags that are on sale, AND go on sale day (For example, Sundays =5 items/ $1).
3. Shop for only what you NEED! I never shop the entire store - only the departments that I need.

I got 3 pairs of Shoes:
2 adorable - BRAND NEW Flats and 1 pair brown boots, look like they were worn once!
Purple Suede Flats - $4.98 with 50% off
Brown Boots - $8.98 with 50% off
Grey Mary Jane's - $1.98

 

 

I also got a reversible custom made table runner from a Trendy Boutique (still had the tag on it), located in Overland Park (often speciality stores donate end-of-season items)
$2.98 with 50% off

I hope that you are encouraged to spend less, save more and take a stroll around your local thrift store!

The Note

Ok, my first mini post was a lie, I have a bit of energy left - before I must tip-toe into Chase's room to do his "dream feed" (aka, tube feed a baby while sleeping).  So, here is my official first blog posting, it is what it is!

So, 2012 was exciting in our house - more on that later. The last month the "preteen" transition (from age 12 to 13), has proven bittersweet. Trent is alllllmost a teen. Most days, he is allllllmost living at another address, and I have offered to help pack! Anyhow, its rough most days - other days, he is extremely loving. Confusing? Yes! They apparently refer to this as hormonal? So, I decided to make the switch and treat him a bit older. First, I didn't put his lost tooth under the pillow in November - don't laugh. I threw it away. I'm sure he already knew, still... it was painful. I miss the days when he "booby trapped" his room to capture the tooth fairy in a mason jar. I also have spent every Thanksgiving dinner with him since birth  - this year, I suggested he spend it with his dad. I survived. See the pattern, I am learning to let go.

Then came December, we have a special little red mailbox that I leave a small gift in every day until Christmas - its from an "Elf", remember, don't laugh. We make "reindeer food" to sprinkle on the lawn Christmas eve, he thought it was silly. I was heartbroken, so Chase and I fed the reindeer alone. It was confirmation, it was time.

So, I decided to leave a "note" Christmas day, after all the gifts were open. It went well, he read it..ran around the house screaming " I KNEW IT!!!", I kindly reminded him that he knows the magic of Christmas, and not to share it with anyone else. Then, I said "If you don't believe, you don't receive" (never fails). He quickly got quiet. I have attached the letter, feel free to tuck these words away, and bring them out when its time for you to break the news! He knows the scoop, but next year, not one single tradition will change - he is still my baby!

Dear Trent,

You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”

I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.

The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.

I am the person who fills your stockings and mailbox with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her.

I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.

This won’t make you Santa, though. Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.

It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.

Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.With full hearts, like me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.

So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.

I love you and I always will.

Xoxo Mom

 

Completed my first article today, too tired to blog :( But, created it..one thing checked off the bucket list!