A couple of years ago, I had a revelation - I can't do it all. It was painful, but I was forced to make changes. First, It started with going back to school - I left my job, moved to a smaller home and decided to pursue my dream. The pace was nice. Then, I had Chase - life really came to a halt. Priorities were re-evaluated. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. When searching for answers, a wise woman told me, "The woman who looks like she has it all together, is letting something go". That's all I needed to hear, I knew that I could no longer keep up with the Jones's (particularly, Mrs. Jones) :)
Fast forward...today....I have it all figured out - really, I do! At least, I have figured out my own world, the details obviously would vary for each person. But, for me - my priorities are established and they get all of my attention. Faith, Myself, Children, Work/School, House, Social Life
Recently, I met a pregnant first time mom - she asked for my advice, she was nervous about life changes, new baby, etc.. I told her, it is simple...It's all about Routine! In this house, my kids know what to expect - everyday. Our home is consistent, evenings and bed time are the same every night - 8pm. Not only is this important for the kids, but I also climb into bed. Its my time to read, do homework, etc. Decompress! It is MY time! I do not use this time to do household chores!
Every mom struggles with juggling it all! I know ladies who "go out" every weekend or are in the gym every night - I know that there is a void in another part of her world. Trust me - her ducks are not in a row!
FAITH
We go to church when we can, it is still hard with Chase. I find spirtual insight by reading motivational books, short articles or passages from the bible with Trent. My favorite book of all time is "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach - it is joyous! Every Woman should take the time to be enlightened by Sarah's words.
http://www.simpleabundance.com/
MOM
If mom isn't happy - no one is happy! So True! I get my sleep, it is a priority. I rest when I get tired and I go to bed early. My education is very important to me, I study often - but it never conflicts with family time. I prefer to study at school - when my kids are at school. I know what makes me happy - Coffee and Thrift Stores and I enjoy both of these pleasures - ALONE and OFTEN!
WORK
I am blessed and I know it. I am lucky that my job offers flexibility and the ability to do most work at home (while Chase is napping). But, I also say "no" to my employer. I recently had to cancel a excellent training opportunity (out of town), the logistics were too tough with my boys. When I thought about the "right words" to tell my employer, I was reminded that I didn't have to give an explanation. My family comes first. Period.
AT HOME
1. I keep a very clean house (no shoes allowed), I never go to bed with a dirty home. I do a little bit every day, so it doesn't become overwhelming! I purge often - very often! I constantly clean out - I donate to the Goodwill once a week!
2. We have ALOT of laundry - I do it constantly, it never piles up.
3. I fold laundry when Chase is playing in the bathtub - remember, Multi-tasking!
4. My 12 year old, is expected to do 3 chores a day. These are "adult chores" - he does the dishes, walks the dog and changes all of the bed sheets. He also knows how to do laundry and cook! I NEVER pay for chores, this are contributions to our household!
CHILDREN
My kids know what to expect from me, I also know what to expect from them. Trent has a list of 5 things that I expect from him daily. Such as..keeping a clean room, finishing homework, taking care of the dog, etc. If one of these are not done, he does not get to use MY electronics - remember, I own everything :)
We model many of the ideas from Love and Logic. Trust me, I am not perfect. But, the principals from this teaching is consequences. For example, if your job is to take the dog out - and you don't. The dog will make a mess for you to clean when you get home. Mom does not take the dog out for you. Same goes in life - I speed, I get a ticket! I have attached the link for Love and Logic - highly suggest taking the course - often given at churches!
http://www.loveandlogic.com/what-is-for-parents.html
Basic Rules:
The Rules of Love and LogicBy Jim Fay
RULE #1
Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture, or threats.
RULE #2
When a child causes a problem the adult hands it back in loving ways
- In a loving way, the adult holds the child accountable for solving his/her problems in a way that does not make a problem for others.
- Children are offered choices with limits.
- Adults use enforceable statements.
- Adults provide delayed/extended consequences.
- The adult's empathy is "locked in" before consequences are delivered.
Whats that? Well, my adult time is slim these days. But, I am reminded of the words of Dr. Laura (love her) - "you can date when your kids leave the nest". So..until then- It's a party of 3!
1. I do not take my kids to a daycare at the gym, I would rather walk at the park- with them!
2. Our Doctors appts are always the First appt of the day - and, I am always early. Chase is in a great mood, the doctor is fresh and usually we are out quickly.
3. I use snail mail and email! For example, my doctor needed to fill out a form for Chase. Instead of taking him out, wasting gas - just mail it. Takes longer, but who cares!
4. I pay most of my bills over the phone, easy and fast
5. I always shop with a list, and at the same store (I know the layout)- trips are fast and easy. It is also a great budgeting tool.
6. I only plan social time with my friends once or twice a month, unless I bring my kids with me.
7. Dating is limited. I have chosen not to bring another person into our world. I have occasionally met for coffee or lunch, but no major relationship commitments until the kids are older.
I know families have kids in sports, etc..and life is busy. Just SAY NO to activities! We don't do it! Trent gets one activity at a time and we keep it very simple. No tournaments or extras - a money trap! Your 4 year old is not going to remember soccer - trust me! Your 2 year old doesn't care about the circus, I found out the hard way.
So, in a couple weeks Chase will start preschool. I am excited! This will free up some more "me time". I am going to increase my exercise and volunteer at his school. But, at 3:30, when we all get home - the focus is back on my family. I know I run a tight ship! But, it works for us. I only have these 2 little men in my life for short time, and I want to make the best of it. I want my kids to remember me being home and happy!
It is all about priorities - you can't do it all - you can't have the perfect marriage, be a great mother, go to the gym every day, have a spotless house, climb the corporate ladder, cook like Martha Stewert, read novels and squeeze in botox and pedicures! It is not GOING to happen!
So this year, I am going to continue to try to juggle it all, slow down even more and do a lot more tickling!
For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
--T.S. Eliot
As you may know by now, I love quotes and great writings!
One of my favorites is by Erma Bombeck - its sums it up! Enjoy!
If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.
xo Stacey
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